Narcissus

Caravaggio (italian artist, 29 September 1571–18 July 1610),

Narcissus only loved himself. He broke hearts regularly, until he finally knew unrequited love. He saw himself in a pool's reflection and could never ever possess his own image. Poor Narcissus killed himself in grief and frustration.

Now we call those who are self centered to an extreme, narcissists.

Thanks to Melissa for defining the Spanish words in our first Junot Diaz story. And also thanks for bringing up Narcissus.

What is a Woman

By Jhanei Mays

What is a woman (My Story)

Once upon a time there was this cute couple who had been together since they were 14 years old. Their names were Jacqueline Ortiz and Timothy Mays. They got married when Jacqueline turned 18 and Timothy was 20, September 28, 1985 was their special day. From that day forward they worked on making it forever. Jacqueline found out that she was pregnant with her first daughter a couple of weeks after their marriage. Timothy was so happy, but then again he knew what he was covering under his belt. Timothy never wanted Jacqueline to find out his secrets. Months later Jacqueline caught up to it. Timothy was a woman lover he kept cheating on her with different woman. After Jacqueline finds out she was devastated.

“How can you do this to me?"

”What are you talking about?"

“You promised me that I was safe with you!”

Timothy didn’t know what to say he was stunned and stuck. He wondered in his mind how Jacqueline found out. He tried to put two and two together but never found his answer. Jacqueline came to find out that there was another woman pregnant with Timmy’s kid. They were both due around the same time; they were two months apart. Jacqueline accepted it and decided to move on and give Timmy another chance.

“Babe that is not my baby. Yes I did something with her but I was protected, she is a hoe.”

“Ok well see later on for now let the past go and make the best of what we have right now.”

Months later on April 4, 1986 Jacqueline gave birth to her baby girl Chante Nicole Mays. Timothy then noticed that he then had to be a daddy now. But did he do his part? Yes in one part he did, which was buy her the necessary needs and food but time worthy no. Timmy was never home. Jacqueline didn’t know what more to do. She knew what he was doing but was in denial. She figured at one point it will stop. Timmy didn’t care he figured he had a wife and kid at home that he can just play because he had everything he needed at home. He didn’t think of the fact that he would lose everything at home. This went on for a while. At one point Jacqueline thought it was over because Timmy was always staying home. Little did she know that it was only for the time being. Four years later Jacqueline didn’t feel herself. So she went to the doctors and then found out she was pregnant again. She was so happy she thought everything was just as it should be. She called Timmy and told him,

“Ring” Ring”

“Hey Hun”

“Babe I am pregnant again I’m 2 ½ months.”

“For real babe wow”

Timothy was in shock he didn’t know what to think, but he was happy. When Timmy had arrived home he walked in and gave Jacqueline a dozen of flowers. Jacqueline was so happy. Months down the line Timmy started with the not coming home and always going on business get-togethers. Jacqueline got real tired and caught up to Timmy. Timmy then come home and told Jacqueline that he had a business trip to go on and that he will be back by early next week. Jacqueline acted like she believed him at the time but she was up to no good. Jacqueline at this time was 7 ½ months. Jacqueline asked her sister if she can watch her daughter Chante for the night while she tried to get some things done, her sister said yes. After dropping Chante off, Jacqueline went on her way back home to watch Timmy leave. As Timmy left Jacqueline left right behind him. She bought herself emergency one way tickets. Timmy had no clue; Jacqueline went to see what he was doing when all she saw was Timmy pick up another female. She already had the feeling, she stood calm until all of them arrived over in California where she busted him in his hotel room with her.

“This is a business trip Tim!” Jacqueline screamed.

“How did you get over here?”

“Don’t worry how I got over here Tim I’m pregnant with your daughter and yet you are still playing around!”

Jacqueline hit Timmy and told the girl that she was having his baby and the girl didn’t know what to do or say. After all the commotion Jacqueline left on her one way trip back home. When Jacqueline returned she was very upset, she turned 8 months the next day and the next day was when she went into labor with her second daughter. She then went through 36 hours of labor, when Timmy showed up when she was about to give birth. February 3, 1990 she was born and they named her Jhanei Aesha Mays. After Jhanei was born Jacqueline didn’t know whether to give Timmy another chance. She just let everything ride and enjoyed the new family member which was her daughter. Timmy was really happy because she came out looking like him. Timmy was stuck on how to live his life but there was no reason for him to. Finally Jacqueline found out that Timmy had a woman pregnant. Jhanei was 11 months old when Jacqueline took Timmy car and beeped the horn on the girls block. The girl thought it was Timmy when Jacqueline hopped out the car and the girl asked who was she and all she did was show her daughter and the girl was in shock. Jacqueline hopped back in the car and went on her way back home and packed Timmy’s clothes. She couldn’t take it any more she had tried, but trying was not enough so she had to kick him out. Jacqueline raised her two daughters on her own with no one’s help. Her life was hard but she made sure her daughters had a roof over their head food, and clothes. After Jacqueline kicked Timmy out he was never to be seen or heard from again. Jacqueline finally divorced him August 14, 2000 and that was the end of everything.

When a person dies

By Shahidah Scott 
 

In my eyes when a person dies he or she is not dead their just in a new world. How they lived their life in one world affects how they will be in the new world. So the state of a person’s mind at death is important because it determines whether or not their soul will rest in peace. 
          

Ever since I was a little kid, anything pertaining to ghost or sprits intrigued me. I love watching shows that go and investigate haunted places on earth. It fascinates me how someone can be dead yet alive in their own way. They also give me a better understanding of what it actually means to be dead. I believe that death is not the end; it’s the beginning of a new life. Someone’s life after death may change but the person dead may not. Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you get a new sprit. Death simply means that your sprit is released from your physical form.  
           

When I was about 4 or 5 years old, I had my first experience viewing a dead man in a casket. There was supposed to be a funeral held at my church, that hadn’t started yet. My mother and aunts were down stairs in the kitchen cooking for after the funeral. I always roamed around the church by myself. I happened to go into the church sanctuary where I found the dead man in the casket. The casket was positioned directly in the center of the pulpit and it was open. No one else was in the sanctuary besides me and the dead man. I didn’t know the man in the casket. I did know that he was dead, and it didn't bother me. I don't remember how long I was in there with the dead man, until the pastor of my church walked in. 
     

Reverend Grant was the pastor at that time and he saw me staring into the casket and asked "You're not scared?" I replied "Of what?” He said "The man in the casket I replied  "No".
   
      

Reverend Grant just looked at me with this amazement in his face and walked away. Reverend Grant went down stairs and told my mother about the conversation he had with me. She just looked at him and smiled, because if no one else understood me she did. This was probably the first time that someone saw how I viewed things in life. The source of my thinking comes from the way I was raised. I was taught to think for myself and not let others think for me.
     

A person's mind at the state of death affects where their soul will go after he or she is dead. The man lying in the casket had a facial expression that read free. So in my opinion I would think that the man died peacefully in his bed, and that his sprit was in heaven at peace.





By Erin Koury

In life you’re faced with many things, and once you are able to accept it, things can be changed. But nothing can be changed until you are ready to come to terms with the past. In order for your life to change you have to have a stable state of mind, otherwise known as peace at mind. Letting go of the past, knowing it can’t be changed so why spend your time crying over it. Peace brings relieve, with peace you can see what’s important and what’s not.

Working for peace takes time. It’s a commitment, and comes to those who work for it. You have to give yourself room to be human, to make mistakes, have feelings you know you shouldn’t have, and give yourself credit for your hard work. With doing so you have to believe, believe you have a purpose. Accept that everything happens for a reason. You need to know in your heart that your experiences from when you were a child helped shape who you are today. Even though things that have happen you had no control over, you have the choice to make the best of it. Understand that hurt and pain go hand in hand with forgiveness and love. Only way to transform the hurt and pain to love is threw forgiveness. Forgive those who have hurt you, truly deep down inside forgive.

James Baldwin once said “Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced.” In a Lesson before Dying by Ernest J Gaines, Jefferson needs to face the fact that he can’t change what’s going to happen but he needs to accept the fact that he can change how he feels about the situation. Instead of making the situation worse for himself, he should try and make it better for himself. He should come to terms with the way he feels and how others feel. He shouldn’t ignore the people who love him the most especially when they go to visit him. If Jefferson came to terms with everything going on around him he would realize he needs to make the best of what’s left of his life, instead of wasting it by putting himself down worse then he already is.

James Baldwin’s quote also relates to something deep in my life, and when I first read that quote I got a knot in my stomach. Those words smacked all the pain and emotion I have felt all into one quote. It’s truly amazing how little words can make a big impact on someone’s life.

When I was thirteen, I was in a three year relationship and I honestly thought I was in love. Emotions were deep but with being so young I never thought about sex. Sex was something I wanted to wait on, something I wanted to be special, especially because it was my first time. In his eyes he didn’t think the same way as I did. On June 11th 2005 I was raped, not just by a random person, but by someone who I thought loved me. Pain had never smacked me in the face so hard. That was one of the most terrifying days of my life. I cried tears that I should have never had to cry and went thru many sleepless nights. The slightest touches would scare me and sleeping at night with the light off was the worst. It took me months before I was able to sleep with the light off. It led me into a deep depression. I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep. I cried for hours at a time and couldn’t grasp much of anything. I needed therapy to deal with the depression and it became a daily session to help me thru the day. Even though talking about it isn’t that easy, I found it much easier then keeping everything bottled up inside of me.

It wasn’t until August of 2007 that I realized I couldn’t change the past. I learned to accept the fact that it did happen and there was nothing I could do about it. I blamed myself each and every day and I couldn’t understand what I did wrong to get hit with something so hard. I learned to stop blaming myself, because it wasn’t my fault. It happened for a reason and couldn’t be changed. They say that if God put you into a situation he will be there to help you through it. Ever since 2005 I go to church every Sunday. I need that mass to make me feel complete through the week. I’ve learned that God will never give you more then you can handle. God put me on this earth with a purpose and I made the decision to help other girls like myself because I realized I could help them. Simply because I knew exactly how they felt and I knew the pain they went thru. I’ve helped many girls come to terms and each time I do I feel hope. The same hope I felt when I was helped.

Even though day after day isn’t easy and it is still hard for me and I do have many flashbacks, it’s the courage and strength I have not to give up. A random stranger told me that true strength is being able to hold it all together when no one would blame you for falling apart. That quote is a daily reminder to me that I am strong and I can make it. The girls I help are another reason I don’t give up because I don’t want them feeling abandon yet again. It’s a cold and lost feeling, it’s a feeling that takes long to over come but has to be over come in order to change the feelings of today. It is much easier said then done and is much easier to ignore it then to face it. Moving on after it happens and getting the strength to get out of bed and the strength to keep things together are very hard. But I learn to do it each and every day, just because I know I can’t lay around and let it eat at me and longer then it has.

Doing it alone is even harder; luckily for me I had my best friend by my side each and every day. She made it so much easier as the days went on. She was someone to talk to when I felt like there was no one. She was there to read all my feelings and she never judged me. Every year she was the one to tell me, that even though I experienced the worst pain in the world that I was Erin Koury and I could beat him, that I was stronger then that to let him bring me down. She gave me hope as I’ve given her hope. We gave each other hope, and that’s one of the reasons we never turned our backs on each other. We were there for each other with all the tears we’ve cried and we knew exactly why each one had sleepless nights. She gave me the strength I needed to be strong and with out her I probably wouldn’t be the person I am today. I probably wouldn’t have been able to come to terms with it. She helped me see that there is a light down the end of the tunnel. She helped me become stronger with each tear that fell from my eyes. And I can truly say I am blessed to have her in my life.

I try my best to live each day and be strong enough to keep moving. I put a smile upon my face and hide the pain the best I way I know how. It has caused me to put up a wall up and rarely let anyone in. The pain rarely goes away and is a major part of my day.

One thing I do regret is not telling anyone in my family. My mother is like my best friend in certain ways. I usually tell my mother everything to a point, because that’s when it can get kind of awkward. As days had passed I knew there was no easy way to tell her. It’s been four and a half years and there’s still no easy way to tell her. It’s like a secret life that no one in my family knows about. There’s a part of me no one knows about. I think one reason I’m afraid to tell them is because of the way they will look at me. It’s easier to lose friends over my past but it would tear me apart to lose my family.

I didn’t just make a change for me I made a change for about a dozen other girls. I was able to face my pain and be strong enough for other people who also needed me. People that were in my shoes and knew exactly how I felt and I think that’s why we found hope in each other. We found each other help full in some type of way.

He hurt me and my life was literally ripped apart but no matter what I’m good now. I may hurt time to time and I might get flashbacks some times but I deal with it the best way I know how to. But In the end I’m not a victim anymore I’m a survivor.

A Strange Day in Class

A Strange Day in Class

By Shahidah Scott
 
It was my sophomore year of high school and there was this boy in my class. I don't remember his name but his reactions towards things spoke louder than his words ever did. The boy was very smart and got very good grades but always seemed Un happy. You would never really catch him smiling or talking to anyone else in class, and the only person he would answer to was the teacher.
           

The boy didn’t have any friends in the class, because others thought of him to be crazy. The boy was a mixture of nationalities he was Indian, African American, and white. He didn't look African American or white and the only thing that stood out about his Indian background was his hair. His hair was jet black, shiny, thick, and wavy. Girls didn't pay him much attention because they didn't find him attractive. The guys never really paid mind that he was even there. 
           

He would come to class everyday and sit in an area that was almost excluded from the other students in the class. Students would sometimes ask him if he was ok or if anything was wrong? He would say no and continue on working. Have you ever looked at someone and the expression on their face let you know that something was wrong, but they would never tell anyone? He displayed this every day to the point where we the student's thought that was just his personality. He was quiet, anti- social and at times seemed very lonely, like he never had anyone to talk to.
           

I continued on in class the way I usually did turn in my homework, complete my class work and leave. Now the way the class room was set up there was a right section, middle section, and left section of desk. They all faced the middle of the classroom, so everyone could see each other. The teacher’s desk was in-between all three sections of desks so she was always visible.

           
The boy did great on projects that we had to do by ourselves. When it came to this one group project he found problems and this is where the story begins. One day my teacher broke the class up into groups and the project we had to complete was something about the cold war. The class was U.S. History AP, the teacher gave the assignment and the groups began working. The group that the boy was in kind of shunned him in his efforts to work with them. So the boy proceeded to do his own project by himself. When the teacher asked him why he wasn't with his group he said.

     
"They don't want me to work with them".

The teacher asked "Why not?”

The boy replied "I don’t know, and I don’t care I'll do the project by myself. I don’t need anyone else's help."

Then one of the girls in his group heard what he said and lashed back at him, calling him crazy and a whole bunch of other mean things. Now for the boy who always seemed calm and to his self, his reaction to the situation made you think. After the girl went on saying what she was saying to him, he became angry and said


"You think you know me, you don’t know what goes on in my life!" 
the girl replied 
   

"I don’t care what you’re going through, you can sit around here and pretend to be crazy if you want to, you aren't scaring nobody! Definitely not me."
   
Then the teacher stopped them from arguing because at that point things were starting to get out of hand. So the situation died down for that day, but soon arose once again. Only this time the boy wasn't arguing with anyone. We came into class one morning. He was sitting at his desk with head phones in his ears listening to heavy metal rock music. Just a couple of minutes before class started. I knew that he was listening to it because I could hear the music through his head phones. That's how loud they were. He had this look on his face like something was seriously wrong. His facial expression read sad, angry, confused, and worried all at the same time. Me being as observant as I am picked out these emotions on his face with no problem. My only thing was I'm not messing with him.
 
  
He sat in his corner calm and quiet like he usually did, while the teacher had us copy some notes. The teacher displayed the notes electronically using power point presentations that linked from her laptop to the television screen. The television wasn't very big so student's had to move their seats in-order to see the screen. From where the boy was sitting it was hard to see the notes so he moved up to a desk that was empty. His desk was in front of the girl he had the problem with. The desk was slightly to the left, at the point where she could see the screen without any problems. The girl wanting to start trouble decided to bother him, by complaining that he was blocking the screen and she couldn't see.
 
   
That was the last straw for him and he just turned around and began cursing her out, and telling her how ignorant she was. The girl tried to make it seem as if he started the argument. But the teacher knew that she had started with him. The teacher called security to have the girl escorted out of the classroom, because she got all rowdy and disrespectful towards the teacher. So we remained in class copying down the rest of the notes. After the altercation between the girl and the boy, another student asked him what was wrong and was he ok? The boy looked at the other student and said
 

"No! I'm not ok! My grandmother hates me because my father is black, which means that I'm black and she's a racist. People are constantly bothering me asking me questions about why I am the way I am. Well you wanna know I’m going to tell you because I can't hold this in any longer. I suffer from post partum depression, I hate my grandmother because she hates me and my life in my eyes is a living nightmare. That's what's wrong with me!"
The whole class just froze and had a moment of silence. Everyone's eyes were on him while his back was at us then the bell ringed. Class was over.
 
   
This story led me to want to learn about human nature from my time here on earth. The aspect of human nature I really want to focus on is people's thinking patterns and the way it influences a person's actions. To able to determine and understand how a person thinks and why they think that way. It will give me an idea of what their reactions will be to certain problems. Like the boy that was in my class no one knew him or understood what problems he faced. In the end his issues forced him to crack and finally tell someone what was going on with him. So maybe the girl starting trouble with him wasn't a good idea. But she fed the fuel to the fire that helped him clear his conscious and taught him that he could open up to other people besides himself.        
           

Love

Love

By Tracel Dickerson

Love: Deep affection and warm feeling for another; a beloved person. Love can comes in any shape or size. Even though it’s a four letter word it can mean so much to someone. When we love someone material things shouldn’t matter. What should matter is how much we love that person when the material things stop coming our way. As we may know love is a universal word. And we need to take advantage of it because somewhere in this world someone doesn’t know that they are loved. That’s when I’ve come to realize that love isn’t a word we should take for granted. Love is a word that we need in our lives. It’s a word that’s necessary to hear from time to time just to know that we are not alone in this world.

There was a time in my life when I learned about the word Love. As a child I was brought up in Church .They always taught me that God is love. No matter what you do in life God loves you unconditionally. I’ve also learned that love can’t be bought; it’s something that comes naturally. Ever since then I’ve seen God’s love in my family and people I’m close to.

It was the summer of ’96; the sun was out with no clouds in the sky, but there was smoke in the air from the backyard barbeques. My brother and I were playing around doing what little kids do. We were playing hide and go seek, he was the seeker and of course I was hiding. I hid under the stairs where my mother had the toys. I was hunched over with my feet sticking out giving my hiding spot away, but my brother didn’t realize it. He was so busy running he stumbled over my foot and fell on the floor. All of a sudden his eyes started getting all watery. Then he looked at me with the meanest face and said;

“HEY, you tripped me!” he yelled

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t my fault you didn’t watch where you were going” I said.

“Yes you did, I’m telling mommy!” He said

So out of anger my brother ran to my mother trying to tell her everything that happened. Running franticly to find my mother we both came across a women who stood 5’7 tall, long black hair and curvy who was in the kitchen cooking a meal for the night. Before we were able say a word she said; “What are you two doing?” With my brother being so mad, he went first.

“Mommy, Tracel tripped me when we were playing and I hurt myself!” he whimpered.

“Well, if you watched where you were going then we wouldn’t have this problem,” I replied

We went back and forth yelling at each other trying to get our point across. She just looked at us while we made complete fools of ourselves, and started laughing hysterically. Then we just stopped fussing and looked at her like she was crazy. Then she stared at us with a sincere look. She sat us down and she said; “If you love each other then what the person does to you shouldn’t matter. Just apologize and move on.”

After we apologized she let my brother go on outside and play with the others, but kept me inside to talk to me about something. At first I thought I did something wrong, but she wanted to say a few words to me. She told me “Love is a word that comes and goes but few people really know what it means to really love somebody. So people who do know keep them close to your heart and cherish every moment even if they do get upset, just know it doesn’t last long. I’m telling you this because I love you from the bottom of my heart.”

After the little pep talk my mother gave me. I realized that she was very serious about what she said. At that age I really didn’t understand a word she was saying until she showed me. She showed me how to love everybody even though she didn’t like what they did or said. Just because life is too short to hold any grudges. She will even give me the biggest kiss on the cheek just to show how much she loves me. Love comes in any shape, size, or form. As long as it comes from the heart that’s all that matters.